We found each other

I found you
and you met me,
so different
and in a certain way,
                       so alike,
we reached out
and beyond any
complex hermeneutics
we reached out for love
we reached out for life
and we found each other
as simple as that.

© Eytán Lasca-Szalit, September 2019

                                         

Doors are opening

More about navigating heartbreak waters

Misread Ex's mixed signals
Sounds like texting is not my forte
The good thing is I didn't even cry
I "kind of" expected that door
to be slammed in my face again.
But what a difference
three months make
what a difference
two months make
what a difference
just a month makes
Lessons learned:
-She's gone
-She's emotionally ill
-She's "medicated"
What I inferred:
-She might not be having any psychological/psychiatric monitoring, help or whatever the fungus they want to call it. Maybe someone in her family, but that is highly questionable.  After a breakup people take sides, like in a ballgame, and I watched enough ballgames to last me for several years.
But enough with my futile hermeneutic attempts.  "Es lo que hay, valor" = "It is what it is, dude"

Doors open
and doors will open
desperation gradually
dissolves into curiosity
for human nature
anxiety gives way
to acceptance of what
life presents along the way

Good reminder
to keep focusing on myself
learn to live again
learn to love myself again
Enjoy the good things
relearn listening skills
I insist
relearn listening skills
embrace feelings
embrace intuition
I made mistakes
I accept my responsibility for unforced errors
Maybe I'm not cut out for casual dating
I can deal with it but I find it emotionally exhausting
Although occasionally it becomes exciting,

I want to live

I want to live
my own stories
I want to write them
as I go along
I want to live
my own stories
write them from
my brain
live them from
my heart

September

September
Once again
September

Septiembre, setiembre

I don't want to think
of a certain anniversary
but it's there
it's unavoidable to think of it

Wednesday September 17, quite a few years ago.
I had a soccer game and decided to skip it.
I have to attend "an event," I wrote in my email.
And quite an event it was.
A meeting
A date
An adventure.
The Stbcks on Clark and Belmont
The minivan parked on a side St
Conversation over poems, coffee and homemade cookies
And ainda mais

It was good
Better than good
Unforgettable memoirs
Unforgettable

I keep trying to forget
But there is no way
There is no other healthy way other than acknowledging it was good and that I'm still emotionally vulnerable to those memoirs.
But now all that is gone.
Gone.
Gone.
All that is part of history.
My ex's history.
My own history.

Porque afuera está la vida

Estoy solo.  It's a fact.

I'm flying solo.

Nothing I would want more than having a partner, a loving woman I would love and cherish, and devote myself to her happiness and well-being.

But I don't have a partner. And it's not easy; it's not gonna be easy.  "La vida es lucha", dijo el escritor uruguayo Juan E.

Walking against the wind
one more time walking uphill
procrastinating
                       does not
                               make it any better

I'm flying solo.

Sé lo que valgo y procuro quererme más, valorarme más.

Por ahora he dado unos cuantos pasos adelante en lo que se refiere a mi salud y mi bienestar físico.  Perder peso, adelgazar, volver a las medidas preventivas.  NO puedo darme el lujo de timbear mi vida en una suerte de ruleta rusa contra el riesgo de tener otro ACV.

Investigar
               - sleep apnea (y sus conexiones con mis problemas respiratorios)
               - circulación periférica

Seguir al firme
         - Limitación de carbohidratos
         - Ejercicio

Mejorar radicalmente
          - Sleep patterns
          - Get some damn sleep every night, or at least almost every night.

Conocer gente.  Grupos.
Seguir haciendo citas con mujeres.
Por el momento:

Irn (T) - 1st meeting
Sar (T) - 1st meeting, could've been nice but it was too soon
Sus (Pof) - 2 dates, drinks too much/gets loud when drinking/into baseball
Lucy F (T) - 1st date, NG
Lau (Pof) - 1st meeting, didn't work out.
Cmy (match).  I guess it didn't work out.
CaN (pof).  Interesting, who knows...
Liza (zoosk) - Looked good but she couldn't run away from me any faster...
MB (Pof) - More than a week together, a little miracle, partly a dream, partly an illusion fed by my own desire.  We're way too different, despite strong physical attraction.  Opposites attract sometimes.


In addition to phone conversations/texting leading nowhere, sometimes not having time to connect due to other connections (the Dalí woman, BB the Polish lady).. Sometimes getting sick and tired of them before even meeting them in person (the Italian woman).
And I'm not even referring to scams, stupid games, etc.

Dating seems to be a silly game but the alternative is no good either.

There are three good prospects, maybe four, y dos de ellas son latinoamericanas, y alguien más, creo que vive en Evanston.

Hay que echarle valor y centrarme en el presente.  Escuchar más y mejor.  Hablar menos.

Vamo' arriba' yorugua.  Has salido airoso de circunstancias mucho peores.

Vamo' arriba' que hay cuerda para rato!

Aunque más no fuera que por hacer honor a tu nombre, ¡dale bo!

More than a week together

More than a week together
Maybe we made it...
Not really
And she knows
And I know it
more than a week together
and it feels like it was a miracle
a whole month together
would feel like the impossible
becoming possible
and
      she
            mentioned
                             the M word
                             no.. not murder :-)
                             but it sounded scary at this stage of the game

We ARE extremely different
But it's been good so far
We had good times together
And I think less and less
about that woman I now
tend to call my ex
just my ex
somebody's widow
somebody that I used to know
a shadow from the past
   I
      can't
              afford
                        to get
                                 depressed

No.  Never again. NEVER AGAIN.
       

Everything's so new

Everything's so new
like a Summer morning,
like a brand new evening
in the middle of nowhere,
like a big city,
seen with brand new eyes.

Out of the corner
of my eye
I see my woman
getting up from bed
and we both smile.

I barely know her
and she barely knows me
I met her less than a week ago
On a Friday evening
And everything is so new
And everything is so strange
in a pleasant, good way.

Things with her might not
have even lasted a single minute
But we're still together
it'd be a miracle
for each other

For my beautiful woman
I'll even know what I don't know.

And,  "she don't know she's beautiful"

Eytán Lasca-Szalit © 2019