Maybe she's just switching to different addictions

Maybe she was addicted to me and gave me up for stronger addictions:

Cannabis
maybe steroids
the fandom and its population
of nerds, stoners and dysfunctional types
venting her frustrations on the social media
anger
resentment
the adulation that money can buy
the sound of her own voice
the seemingly never-ending drive
to run around in circles.

It's another world.
She's in another world and had been there for considerable time.
I was a much safer addiction, I guess, but what the fuck...
I was not aware of it
I thought it was a way she would put it.
She used to say "you changed my life", as though she was saying, "you rescued me", "you saved me".  Maybe that was a red flag and I failed to see the potential for entropy.

---------------------

But I loved her in every possible way...  and she did too.
And then the earthquake.
I don't question JB's decision per se. I can't force her to love me.
But the way it happened was brutal.  It caught me live a direct punch to the liver.

If I had to blame someone/something I'd blame the US medical establishment.
- Opioid detox was brutal, it could have been done in a much better way.  It was dangerous.
-  Medical marijuana is a better alternative as a palliative per se, and at the same time, mixing all kinds and all strains is potentially dangerous as well.
- Steroids are dangerous too with certain patients.  Patients are human beings, not statistics.